Behind Green Eyes
by nik47
Summary: What I imagine was running through Kate Beckett's mind in that final scene of 'Always', from the time the door opens to the time it closes, and beyond. Companion to 'Behind Blue Eyes' - Castle's perspective.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, I wrote this after watching that final scene in 'Always' about a gazillion times! Nathan and Stana did such an amazing job conveying their emotions, especially Stana. This is what I imagine was running through Beckett's head, from the time the door opens to the time it closes, and beyond. It's my first fanfic, so please be gentle with me. ;)**

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From the moment the door swung open, she couldn't tear her eyes away from his face. _His face._ It had been seared in her mind since the roof. She'd hung from her fingertips, and she'd known she was going to die. Known, looking down into nothing but emptiness and up into nothing but emptiness, that she'd destroyed everything she cared about the most. She'd seen only him. Heard only him. Thought only of him, and the last time she saw him. His expression. His voice. His love. His heart-breaking sadness and utter exhaustion. His eyes, wet, weary, wrenching away from her unrelenting stare as he let her go. Truly let her go.

"_This is over. I'm done."_

And now she was here, and it wasn't over, and it wasn't done, and she was looking into those eyes again, and all she wanted was to lose herself there, here, with him, in him. All she wanted was to erase the pain shining out of them, demolish the hardness which she'd put there.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

His voice was cold, jaw set. It was time for her to fix this. It was _past _time for her to fix this. A million thoughts, words, ideas flared through her mind. His question hung in the air, waiting. God, he was _still_ waiting. She breathed. There was only one thing to say. One answer to give.

"You."

She let it all go in that moment. Everything. The pain, the fury, the hate that had driven her for so long. There wasn't a place for these things anymore. They couldn't exist together with him, and so they couldn't exist. Because she had chosen. It was him. It had _always_ been him.

She sensed his retreat, knew that he was trying to put distance between them. But there was no way she was stopping. No way she _could_ stop. That one word had loosed something inside of her, and there was no going back. She closed the distance, destroyed it utterly and completely, and she was home.

His skin was hot, burning. The cold which had seeped into every pore of her body was swept away instantly, and then she was burning, too. Her hands gripped his face, her lips sparked on his, and she gasped air desperately as her entire body ignited at the touch of him.

She felt his breath catch, his heart stutter, felt all of him tighten and recoil, freeze up, as if she'd stolen his fire and replaced it with ice. He needed more. He needed so much more than just this. They both did.

She pulled away slowly, reluctantly, acknowledging the need, but absolutely refusing to relinquish her hold on him. Hands dropped from cheeks to shoulders, legs rocked back slightly from toes to heels, lips retreated the merest of inches, but her body remained with his, where it belonged, and her damp forehead found a place against his furrowed brow, feeling the pure uncertainty there, wanting nothing more than to dissolve it.

"I'm so sorry, Castle," she whispered quietly, eyes closed, pulling desperately from her other senses: the feel of his shirt, the sound of his breathing, the smell of his skin, the taste of him. "I'm so sorry." She was aware of everything, every tiny twinge of his muscles, every exhalation teasing her lips, every miniscule sensation.

"I'm so sorry." And she was. She'd never felt an emotion so strongly before, never wished to undo something so completely, never experienced more regret for her actions than she did in that moment. She rocked forward again, knowing she shouldn't, but unable to keep herself from the agonizing nearness of him. She'd never wanted as she wanted now. Her fingertips danced lightly up his neck, back to his face, gliding over his skin, reveling in the warmth she found there, her lips pursuing his urgently.

He tensed against her, gripping her arms with hot hands, forcing her back, away, creating again the distance she'd shattered moments before.

She didn't fight him, surrendered to the force of his push, her eyes opening, meeting his, then dipping in acknowledgement of his decision. It wasn't a gentle push. But it wasn't harsh either. It was exactly what _he_ was: confused, heated, knowing that he deserved more than the pure physicality of what she was currently offering.

His blue eyes glanced away, slipping in the pain, and then returned to search hers. She gazed back, feeling the tears trail slowly down her cheeks, open to him in a way she'd never been before. Whatever he was looking for, he would get it. And whatever he needed, she'd give. Entirely. Anything. _Always._ It was her turn to live up to their promise.

"What happened?" he asked, voice rough, eyes hooded.

She answered immediately, giving him the whole truth, no longer hiding or protecting any part of herself. She was his, as he was hers. His to see, his to know, his to accept. His to love. Broken pieces, jagged edges, razed walls. All of it.

"He got away...and I didn't care." She looked at him calmly, her eyes quiet, honest. It was strange how peaceful she felt. She should be terrified, panicked, desperate. She should be trembling with adrenaline, shock, doubt. But he was with her now, and she was with him, and this moment was incredibly…_still._

"I almost died..."

An unsought smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she briefly broke eye contact. She'd forgotten Maddox almost before he left her there on the roof, his parting words fading dully into the background as she clung desperately to the rough concrete and realized in complete shock that the seething rage upon which she had fueled her whole existence, the smoldering need for answers on which she'd based her entire adult life, had just been snuffed out. Extinguished without the barest hint of smoke.

Only to be replaced by a conflagration the likes of which she had never experienced, an inferno which burned cleaner and brighter than anything she'd ever dared to hope for. _Him._ She returned her eyes to his.

"…and all I could think about was you."

The memory of that moment rekindled something inside her, blistering through the logic and the necessity of words and blazing up with a force she wasn't sure either of them was prepared for. But she couldn't stop it. God, she didn't want to.

"I just want _you_."

Her eyes flicked across every line of his face, thirsty and parched, drinking him in, then dropped to his mouth. The sheer need, the hunger, was overwhelming. Her lids slammed shut, immediately aware of the heat radiating out from him, licking across her skin, flaming down, over, under, in, triggering every nerve.

All she wanted was him.

Her lips parted and her entire body pulled towards him, aching, seeking. But his hands still gripped her wrists tightly, arms locked, and he made no move to meet her.

And in that space of time, her world tilted, dangerously close to the edge. Her heart froze, the internal fire suspended. Her eyes fluttered open, her mouth drifted closed, and her fingers gripped against him, anything and everything, tight and painful, holding the weight of it all in their grasp, balanced on the tips, and she didn't _know_, didn't know if she could hang on...

She flashed back to the roof.

_Castle…_

Her eyes focused on him, his face shrouded in an expression she could not read. Her hand moved slowly, tentatively, and in that moment she was genuinely afraid of what would happen. Of his reaction to her touch. She hesitated…then slid her fingers gently over his lips.

Thunder burst, lightning lit his features, and the look in his eyes…

Suddenly, she was against the door, felt it give way briefly beneath her weight, heard it slam closed behind her as he followed in her wake, distance burnt to ash as every part of his body scorched a fiery path to hers. And then, she, he, _they…_

…were aflame.

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**Thank you so much for reading - I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow. Just...wow. I'm so absolutely thrilled and amazed and humbled at the responses I've received on this piece. Castle fans are _truly_ extraordinary. Thank you all so, so much for your encouragement. I hope this continuation lives up to your expectations...**

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The reverberation of the door shook her body, the thunder shook her senses, and Castle…Castle shook her soul.

She'd already kissed him twice tonight, kissed him with the full realization that _nothing_ of her past lay between them. Each time her lips had met his, she'd felt only freedom, joy, utter release.

But he hadn't.

He hadn't felt _any_ of that, hadn't known what lay in her heart, hadn't known that the raging war within was over, annihilated, wiped out in one searing, heated, blindingly white moment of clarity, when the world stopped, narrowed, focused, hung upon nothing but eight shaking fingertips grasping the edge of a New York City roof.

He hadn't known then how truly _real_ this was.  
Not then. But he knew _now._

He kissed her, fiercely, passionately, the moment almost frighteningly intense, and it was so wholly _different_ than before, so entirely _complete._ The weight of it, of him, of _them_, crashed over her, into her, ripped her open and scorched her raw. She wasn't fighting to fix this anymore, wasn't trying to right her wrongs, or pull him back to her. He was already here. _Right_ here. They were together in this. In everything.

Her mind stopped processing, stopped working, simply released its hold. Static flashes, bursts of cognition, slivers and shreds. Nothing more got through. Nothing else could find space around the immensity of what was happening.

_Castle…_

His lips engulfed her, his body pressing her farther into the door than she actually thought it was possible to go. She gasped into his mouth as his hands played devil's advocate to the rest of him, spanning her waist and dragging her back forcefully against him, against his chest, his hips, fighting his own aggressive push with a deliciously possessive pull, creating friction between every joined inch of them.

Her body thrummed, responded instantly. Her fingers grazed his scalp, pulling him closer as she surged forward into his mouth, wanting more. His hands released her hips, rose to tightly grip her face, tangling into her wet hair, thumbs sparking across her damp cheeks as his lips parted and his tongue finally answered her desperate demand.

He slipped inside her, hot, wet, frantic, spurring her on, sliding smoothly right along with her as she eagerly shifted their joint exploration from her mouth to his, gliding past his lips, deeper and deeper, reveling in the intensity of a moment she had been waiting _four_ _years_ to experience.

Then suddenly he was gone, the taste of him still lingering, leaving her breathless and shaking against his ear as he moved his open mouth to the line of her jaw, tracing down the curve of her neck with the slick glide of his tongue, grazing his teeth along the slant of her collarbone, sucking gently at the jumping, hammering pulse point just beneath her skin. She arched into him, fastened against him, melted through him, never wanted it to stop. Wanted it to go on and on and on. Wanted everything, all of it, him.

And he wanted her back. She could hear it in the harshness of his breath, taste it in the saltiness of his skin, feel it in every single move he made. She wasn't too late, wasn't alone, wasn't lost in the rain, the wind, the cold. Not now. Not ever again. This was where she belonged.

God, she _belonged._

Her hands couldn't settle on a place to rest, captivated by each and every shift of his body, savoring the feel of his hair flicking along her nails as his head dipped to her shoulder, relishing the supple stretch of muscles and fabric beneath her palms as his arms encircled her waist and danced up her spine, mesmerized by the movements of his jaw against her fingertips as his lips again found hers and teased them apart, searching for the taste of her.

They were both burning now, together, and she wanted nothing more than to be consumed.

And then something shifted, changed, and she registered it instantly in the briefest of moments, the way every inch of him tightened, stilled, halted, and then progressed. She felt his back bow as his head ducked, mouth skimming down her rain-slicked chest, fiery, passionate, but with an obvious purpose. She knew immediately where he was going, knew exactly what he wanted, and she shivered involuntarily, legs slipping, muscles seizing in that second of realization before she relaxed, softened, allowed everything to just _happen_, without resistance, because it needed to, had to, _must_, was nearly a year in the making and too long at that. Far too long.

Her eyes fluttered open, needing to see, needing to watch him as this finally occurred, memorizing every reaction of his face as he pulled away from her skin and rested his forehead against hers, eyes cast downward, entirely focused on one goal, one spot, one small point which had altered everything for both of them, forever.

His hands shook as they unbuttoned her shirt, but his eyes held steady, not bothering to ask permission from her, because he already had it, knew that he did, and her skin screamed at the sensation of it all, his hot, gentle fingers barely there, cool, wet fabric peeling away, damp chest exposed and scorching under his gaze.

So many emotions played across his features then, too many to process, or begin to name. She saw flickers of everything, all there was between them. She was frozen, hardly breathing, staring at him as he stared at her, at the scar between them, so tiny, negligent, all-encompassing.

And then she was moving, had to move, needed to feel him_ there_, needed him to be the first and last to so intimately touch this part of her which had nearly destroyed both of them.

Her hands rose to his, leading his fingers to her skin, a thousand hot flashes searing through her mind as she did. The sound of a gunshot. The feel of a bullet impacting her chest. The shock, the incomprehensibility that it _didn't_ stop but continued, pierced through, burrowing and penetrating deeper and deeper inside of her, a foreign presence forcing itself into everything she was, taking her relentlessly, utterly and completely.

Chaos within. Castle without.

His eyes, his face, his voice…fading. Every part of her strained against it, screamed to stay, struggled in futility as he begged her not to go, not to leave him.

_I love you. I love you, Kate.  
_But she had no choice.

Panic exploded outward, boiling around her...  
And then his fingers slid home, pulling her back.

His eyes flew to hers the second his hand made contact, full of emotion, utterly open, staring into her so intensely, and she knew he'd been there, too. She shivered slightly at the thought, but they were _here_ now, alive, and her entire body was secure, harbored and anchored with his. His palm was sealed against her, covering her, protecting her. Safe. She felt so incredibly, unbelievably _safe._

Her lips sought his, needing him more in this moment than all the others combined, one of her hands rising lightly to his cheek, the other remaining locked against his fingers, which remained locked against her.

Their mouths united, softly, slowly, offering up all they had, all they were, erasing every wound, every wall, every betrayal and every lie, pure incandescence cleaning them out.

They parted only once it was done, opening their eyes together upon an entirely new existence. She felt the smile dance across her lips before she even realized it was there, the pure delight and wonder of this moment absolutely irrepressible.

Her palm slid down into his, their fingers twined then tightened. Hitched.

For a brief instant, they stood motionless. And then she moved forward with a complete and utter certainty, leading them into forever with a bite of her lip and a pull of her hand.

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**I hope you all enjoyed this second installment, and I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for reading! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Triggered at the delightful and much-appreciated prompting of JBSconie, I've decided to continue exploring the absolutely wonderful Caskett scene from 'Always'. Except now, we're flipping the coin!**

**Below is an excerpt from 'Behind Blue Eyes' - what I imagine is running through Richard Castle's head from the time the door opens to the time it closes, and beyond. First complete chapter now up! And as always, thanks so much for reading! :D**

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**Excerpt from_ Behind Blue Eyes:_**

She was right here in front of him, unreachable. Dripping wet, hair plastered to her face, skin soaked and damp. Her eyes spoke to him, as they always did, intense pools of green drinking him in. Every part of her called to every part of him, urging him to join her. But he couldn't. He _wouldn't._

He willed himself to harden, willed the grief, the misery, the despair to infuse him, to engulf him, to eradicate the love screaming from every cell of his body in one swift, destructive surge, leaving nothing in its wake.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

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**And what do _you_ want? More? The rest is published as a separate story, so go find it in, uh, my stories! ;)**


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